First of all I have been thinking about writing…

First of all I have been thinking about writing this for several years and just have not been able to to get to it. Second of all I am getting older and probably the fact that a number of friends around my age have been dying and getting sick is influence that decision as well. I think a third reason is that I do not believe that there is a clear understanding between various members of the family of each other. As I'm getting older I'm seeing that many individuals and in this particular case I'm talking about family members but this is true in generally in life that they have define the opinions that have been created in their mind by their own thoughts without regard for the way other people are processing those thoughts and. And that has a tendency to lead to multiple misunderstandings which has created friction. I've seen it with me and various other people. But I've also seen it in watching other family interactions and the issues that they have. The goal is hopefully to avoid the frictions rather than teach them how to resolve the the frictions. The frictions that exist currently I don't know can ever be resolved completely because in order to justify having a friction somebody has to justify their position and it's very difficult for most people to take a stand where they will admit that they're wrong. Which I think is a big mistake I think the fact that I've admitted I'm wrong many many times has helped me tremendously. As a matter of fact I think that should be a very important part of the ethical will is to acknowledge when you are wrong and definitely process things in a way that will enable you to reflect on your positions and and change your mind.

— from Before Takeoff (front matter) · GB written

In the book

This book is my attempt to help you choose that one well. Why I am writing it. I have been meaning to do this for years and kept not getting to it — until a number of friends my own age began to get sick and to die, which has a way of moving a thing to the top of the list. I am writing for a few plain reasons: so that you, my descendants — the ones I know and the ones I will never meet — will know something of who I actually was; so I can pass along the lessons I gathered the hard way and spare you from paying full price for them; and because as I get older I have watched how easily people, families included, talk past each other and harden into misunderstandings, and I would rather hand you the perspective up front than watch you learn it slowly. — Before Takeoff (front matter)

Most family friction, I have come to believe, is not born of malice but of misunderstanding: each person holds tight to opinions formed inside their own head, without regard for how differently the other person is processing the same events, and the gaps harden into resentments. The single most useful thing I know for dissolving that friction is also the hardest: the willingness to say I was wrong — admitting it, again and again, has helped me more than almost anything, and most people simply cannot do it, because to justify a grievance they must defend a position. So choose, deliberately, a culture of family empathy over a culture of family blame — instead of cataloguing what someone did to you, ask, with compassion, why it happened. […] Guard the time. Set aside immovable weekly family time, eat together with full attention, and keep a ritual that carries the love. Make family nonnegotiable — and when friction comes, be the first to say I was wrong, and choose empathy over blame. Teach the hard, practical lessons too — that money is a gift to be appreciated and never taken for granted, neither hoarded in fear nor spent into ruin. — Family & Parenting (Family/Parenting)

This book is my logbook. I have been meaning to write it for years and could never quite get to it, and then a number of friends my age began to get sick and to die, and that has a way of moving a thing to the top of the list. I wrote it for a few plain reasons: so my descendants would know a little about who I was, so I could account for some of my history, and most of all so I could hand you the lessons I learned the hard way and spare you from paying full price for them. — Legacy / The Logbook (Legacy/Epilogue)

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