That one can act on the community, that is…
Page 189. That one can act on the community, that is to say, and other people, and that one can feel I am of used to someone. Instead of feeling, judged by another person, as good, being able to feel, by way of one’s own subjective viewpoint, that I can make contribute shins to other people. It is at that point that at last, we have a true sense of our own worth.
— from Friends, Community & Society (Relationships/Community/Society) · Courage to be Disliked
In the book
The bonds themselves grow the slow way, one small contact at a time. And you earn your own place in any of these circles not by being admired but by being useful — the deepest sense of belonging comes from feeling that you are of use to other people, and the truest mark of contribution is that it finally stops needing applause, because you carry its reward inside yourself. This is also where you graduate from being a good person to being a good citizen. In any complex modern society it is not enough merely to be a good neighbor and an honest individual; we each have to go further and take responsibility for the wider whole. […] Work at love. Treat marriage as continual work, not a finish line; insist on both truth and tenderness; and aim for the love in which you can be fully yourself. Belong by contributing. Find the people who care about what you care about, and earn your place by being useful rather than by being praised. Be a good citizen. Go beyond being a good neighbor to taking responsibility for the wider whole; speak up when something is wrong; but never surrender your own gifts to the crowd. — Friends, Community & Society (Relationships/Community/Society)