Before you open your mouth, be silent and reflect…
Page 165. Before you open your mouth, be silent and reflect, “what benefit will my speech to bring to me or others?“.
— from Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict) · Cheshbon HaNefesh
In the book
Now the speaking. The first discipline is the oldest one our tradition teaches: before you open your mouth, pause and ask yourself a single question — what benefit will these words bring, to me or to anyone? If you live consciously at all, you must take responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth, because they do real work in the world. So accustom yourself to speak gently to everyone, at all times — the words of the wise are spoken softly — and greet every person, friend or stranger, with a warm and open face, because a kind expression is an invitation to friendship while a scowl frightens people away. […] Listen first, and generously. Listen with real curiosity and the willingness to be surprised; be silent enough to actually hear; and remember your attention sets the quality of their thinking. Weigh your words before you spend them. Ask what benefit they will bring; speak gently and greet people warmly; mind how you say it, not only what; and beat the curse of knowledge by meeting your listener where they are. Make honesty easy. Build candid, informal dialogue; say the thing plainly rather than assuming you were understood; ask for "one thing to start, one thing to stop"; and speak up even in the unanimous room. […] And let me give you the rest of it in the plainest terms I have. Before you speak, ask whether the words will do any good. In an argument, say less, and be brave enough to ask first what you did to cause it. — Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)