The authority to mediate disputes within the tribe, so…
The authority to mediate disputes within the tribe, so that all members feel heard. No judgment of a dispute should result in some feeling like winners and others like losers, which destroys the fabric of the tribe.
— from Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict) · Family: The Compact Among Generations by James E. Hughes Jr.
In the book
Where feelings run too hot for a table at all, try walking side by side instead; something about moving in step makes it easier to find a way forward. And run the conversation by rules that protect the relationship: never let a resolution leave one side feeling like the loser, because that destroys the very fabric you are trying to keep; start your sentences with "and" rather than "but" so the talk stays open instead of defensive; and listen affirmatively, so the other person knows they were heard. Listening itself, you will find, is a quiet but genuine form of conflict resolution. […] Negotiate both-sides, never zero-sum. Ask why it matters to them, build trust before you bargain, and when you can, step into their shoes. Refuse the poison. Never decide the other person is evil — the line runs through every heart; and let no resolution produce a loser. When truly stuck: change it, leave it, or accept it — but do not sit and blame. — Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)