Try to calm down, we would each ask ourselves…
Page 356. Try to calm down, we would each ask ourselves the same single question that what have we done to contribute to the situation we were arguing about? However, small however distant we had each made some error. share the results of your questioning here is how I was wrong…
— from Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict) · 12 Rules for Life, An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson
In the book
My mentor's entire advice for walking into a hard conversation was two words: say less. Pair it with the first question you should ask yourself before blaming anyone else — what have I done, however small, to contribute to this? — and then share the answer aloud. From there, learn to disagree without being disagreeable: the goal is social harmony, not forced agreement, and you can hold your ground firmly while still being kind. […] Make honesty easy. Build candid, informal dialogue; say the thing plainly rather than assuming you were understood; ask for "one thing to start, one thing to stop"; and speak up even in the unanimous room. In conflict, say less — and look inward first. Open by asking what you contributed; disagree without being disagreeable; and dig for the shared value beneath the fight. Negotiate both-sides, never zero-sum. Ask why it matters to them, build trust before you bargain, and when you can, step into their shoes. […] Before you speak, ask whether the words will do any good. In an argument, say less, and be brave enough to ask first what you did to cause it. Do not contend with people out of mere strife, and when a matter is serious, take your counsel from those with mature judgment rather than the loudest voice in the room. — Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)