it is ok to say you did something bad…

it is ok to say you did something bad or wrong. It is not ok to say you are a bad person.

— from Who Is Flying (Self, Nature & Nurture)

In the book

And here is the subtle thing the research found about the rough air: the deepest stability comes not from high self-esteem, which is brittle and forever needing defense, but from self-compassion — sustained, honest self-observation paired with a refusal to condemn what you see. It is the willingness, when you fall short, to treat yourself as you would a sick child rather than a criminal: the freeing rule that you may say I did a bad thing but never I am bad. When you feel awful, treat it like a passing virus to recover from, not proof that your core is rotten. […] Surround yourself with people who lift the average, because you will become like them whether you intend to or not. Be fierce with your standards and gentle with your failures, remembering always that you may do a bad thing but you are not a bad person. Learn to sit quietly with yourself, since Pascal was right that half our miseries come from the simple inability to be alone in a room. — Who Is Flying (Self, Nature & Nurture)

Shame, left alone, is corrosive, and the first thing to know about it is that it was learned and it is not your fault. The whole of healthy correction lives in one sentence I want you to memorize: it is fine to say you did something bad; it is never fine to say that you are bad. Sadness and suffering. Pain and suffering are not the same thing. — The Heart in the Cockpit (Emotion/Awe/Anxiety/Regret/Empathy)

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