Most interesting was that the low-self-distance people coped adaptively…
Most interesting was that the low-self-distance people coped adaptively in conflicts, as long as their partners did not become negative and hostile toward them. But if their partners did become hostile, they fully reciprocated, sharply escalating the hostility. The combination of low-self-distancing people with highly negative partners became a formula for escalating hostil-ity that was potentially toxic for the relationship's future.
— from Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict) · Marshmallow Test: Why Self-Control is the Engine of Success by Walter Mischel
In the book
The deadliest pattern is escalation. When hostility is met with hostility, the two reinforce each other and spiral, and a relationship that could have survived the disagreement is destroyed by the way it was fought. Underneath that spiral is almost always the same poison: the belief that the other side is not merely mistaken but bad — and the refusal of that belief is the single most important move in any conflict. — Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)
Also belongs to
- The Instruments (Awareness/Perception/Expectations)
- Who Is Flying (Self, Nature & Nurture)
- The Mind in the Cockpit
- The Heart in the Cockpit (Emotion/Awe/Anxiety/Regret/Empathy)