respect, concern for my feelings, help, interest in my…

Page 92 respect, concern for my feelings, help, interest in my needs, friendship, good conversation, love, kindness, cooperation, interest in spending time with me. Page 93 ways I make it difficult for people to give me what I want is I act like I don’t want anything, I don’t tell them what I want, I act in different, I withdraw, a project that I’m totally self-sufficient, I’m cold and distant, I give and give and give and give and make my giving a while that no one else can get through , I’m in accessible. One of the ways I contribute to my own frustration is I reject people for they can reject me, I sent out mixed in confusing signals, I surrender to fear of being hurt, I act like I don’t care, I don’t give people a chance, they people try to give to me, I can be nothing they do is right, I don’t reach out and I just feel sorry for myself. If any of what I’m saying is true, I have to be more open, I have to put myself out there, I have to give people a chance, I have to let them see me, I have to stop hiding my needs and wants, I have to be willing to ask, I have to bring more benevolence to my relationships, I have to drop my image, Page 98 in relationships we need to reflect what is it about this person that will stimulate and attracts me? What factors are psychological or spiritual and which are physical? What do I like about this person’s projects? What do I see in this person’s character that I admire? Do I have any reservations or miss givings? If so, what do they concern, and how can I check them out? What do I dislike if anything and what importance does it have for me in the scale of my values? What do we seem to have in common and why do I think so? In what ways might we be incompatible and why do I think so?

— from Friends, Community & Society (Relationships/Community/Society)

In the book

Much of the damage, though, we do to ourselves. We make ourselves impossible to reach: we act totally self-sufficient, we hide our needs and refuse to say what we want, we send mixed signals, and — the cruelest trick of all — we reject people first, so that they cannot reject us. And often the root of it is not the other person at all but our own self-contempt; as one honest soul asked, how could I expect anyone else to bear my company, when I could hardly stand my own? You cannot give from an empty well, and you cannot truly connect with others while you are at war with yourself. — Friends, Community & Society (Relationships/Community/Society)

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