Page XVI keyword wisdom sometimes you don't even notice…

Page XVI keyword wisdom sometimes you don't even notice these people, because while they seem kind and cheerful, they are also reserved. They possess the self-effacing virtues of people who are inclined to be useful but don't need to prove anything to the world: humility, restraint, reticence, temperance, respect, and soft self-discipline. They radiate a sort of moral joy. The answer softly when challenged harshly. They are silent one unfairly abused. They are dignified when others try to humiliate them, restrained when others try to provoke them. But they get things done. They perform acts of sacrificial service with the same modest everyday spirit they would display if they were just getting the groceries. They are not thinking about what impressive work they are doing. They're not thinking about themselves at all. They just seem delighted by the flawed people around them. They just recognize what needs doing and they do it. They make you feel funnier and smarter when you speak with them. They move through different social classes not even a weird, that they are doing so. after you've known them for a while it occurs to you that you've never heard them boast, you've never seen themself righteous or doggedly certain. They aren't dropping little hints of their own distinctiveness and accomplishments. They have not led lives of conflict free tranquility, but have struggled toward maturity. They have gone some way towards selling life's essential problems, which is that, as Alexander Solzhenitsyn put it The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either - - - but right through every human heart. These are the people who have built a strong in our character, who have achieved a certain depth. In these people, at the end of this struggle, the climb to success has surrendered to the struggle to deepen the soul. After a life of seeking balance, Adam one bows down before Adam too. These are the people we are looking for.

— from Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)

In the book

Underneath that spiral is almost always the same poison: the belief that the other side is not merely mistaken but bad — and the refusal of that belief is the single most important move in any conflict. The line dividing good and evil, Solzhenitsyn wrote, runs not between parties or peoples but straight through every human heart — including yours. The opposite move, the one that lets you blame the other person and the circumstances for everything, has a name, too: it is the move of a victim. […] Negotiate both-sides, never zero-sum. Ask why it matters to them, build trust before you bargain, and when you can, step into their shoes. Refuse the poison. Never decide the other person is evil — the line runs through every heart; and let no resolution produce a loser. When truly stuck: change it, leave it, or accept it — but do not sit and blame. — Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)

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