conversation is to give feedback using the “1% tool“…
conversation is to give feedback using the “1% tool“ . This is a framework that I adopted from multiple sources including Japanese philosophy and financial models. It’s a successful method I use when coaching company leaders and at home the idea is that 99% of the time we are doing things right it is only 1% of her output that needs repair and improvement. Obviously that can always be true. Some people will have more than 1% to repair at least some of the time but if you get too precise with the statistics, you’ll miss the point the overall assumption is that on the whole most of us most of the time are doing well in my family, we have become accustomed to thinking about personal growth through this Tulle “what one percent can you give me“ is something my children have heard me ask my husband for years I am known at home and at work for wanting to know how I am doing how I can improve to discover my Blindspot asking for this kind of feedback does not come naturally to everyone I can feel uncomfortable, even scary, but practice makes perfect my family doesn’t just ask for 1%. We also offer our 1% to each other but only when we think it’s important to make the other aware of something, not as a vehicle for being hurtful. Do you want to hear the 1% since the message I’m going to share is something you may not be aware of, something small that can make a big difference but please remember that overall I think you’re doing great. It prevents a triggering defensive response and places the comments into the context of a positive feedback loop.
— from Family & Parenting (Family/Parenting)
In the book
At the family table, your full attention is itself a form of hospitality. And when you must give correction, borrow the gentlest tool I know: lead with love and proportion — ninety-nine percent of what you do is right; may I offer you the one percent? — so that feedback lands inside a warm, trusting loop rather than as an attack. Teach. Remember that you teach far more by your reactions than by your lectures, and that children absorb the standards you model, not the ones you merely impose — so if you are tough on them but easy on yourself, it is the leniency they will learn. — Family & Parenting (Family/Parenting)