To hear, one must be silent

To hear, one must be silent.

— from The Relationship With Yourself (Traits/Reflection) · Wonderstuck: How Wonder and Awe Shape the Way We Think by Helen De Cruz

In the book

Use that material to build something larger — an actual philosophy to live by, formed by sitting with the biggest question of all, why am I here; this is finally what it means to ask, seriously, how should I live — to search out your own true north, the moral center of everything you do. And give it silence to grow in: make a quiet space to hear your own inner voice, because to hear anything true, you first have to be still. And here is why it all matters in the end. — The Relationship With Yourself (Traits/Reflection)

It turns out the quality of your attention literally sets the quality of the other person's thinking — people think better in the presence of someone truly listening — so keep your eyes on their eyes and do not look away. To hear, you must first be silent, and you must honor the pauses, because some of the most important things pass between the words rather than in them. The mark of a great listener is not that they seem clever but that they make the other person feel clever — they leave people holding their own ideas with a little more humility, doubt, and curiosity than before. […] So here is how to fly the radio between cockpits, and the turbulence between them. Listen first, and generously. Listen with real curiosity and the willingness to be surprised; be silent enough to actually hear; and remember your attention sets the quality of their thinking. Weigh your words before you spend them. Ask what benefit they will bring; speak gently and greet people warmly; mind how you say it, not only what; and beat the curse of knowledge by meeting your listener where they are. — Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)

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