3
- Communicate openly: Clearly express your thoughts and emotions to avoid the illusion of transparency.
— from Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict) · Mindwise by Nicholas Epley
In the book
Cultivate, in your home and your work, robust dialogue — communication marked by openness, candor, and informality, because formality quietly suppresses honesty while informality invites it. And beware the illusion of transparency: your thoughts and feelings are nowhere near as visible to others as they feel to you, so say the thing plainly rather than assuming it was understood; watch the non-verbal signals, too, the body language and the face, which often say more than the words. Confidence itself, you should know, is read far more from behavior — posture, tone, calmness — than from the content of what you say. […] Weigh your words before you spend them. Ask what benefit they will bring; speak gently and greet people warmly; mind how you say it, not only what; and beat the curse of knowledge by meeting your listener where they are. Make honesty easy. Build candid, informal dialogue; say the thing plainly rather than assuming you were understood; ask for "one thing to start, one thing to stop"; and speak up even in the unanimous room. In conflict, say less — and look inward first. Open by asking what you contributed; disagree without being disagreeable; and dig for the shared value beneath the fight. — Communication & Conflict (Communication/Conflict)