Win-win in personal relationships ask the other person how…
Page 136. Win-win in personal relationships ask the other person how would you rate my performance if they give you an eight out of 10 except the answer without comment and then ask what would I have needed to do to make it a 10?
— from Friends, Community & Society (Relationships/Community/Society)
In the book
Stay curious: the deepest reason long-married couples and old friends drift into feeling unheard is that they simply lose their curiosity about each other, so make a point of staying a kind of permanent researcher in your closest relationships. Be open to feedback — one of my favorite tools is to ask someone close, "On a scale of ten, how am I doing, and what would make it a ten?". That habit, of giving and receiving honest feedback regularly, is one of the surest marks of people mature enough to sustain deep friendships, marriages, and partnerships; and the more you pour into a relationship that matters, the more both of you are strengthened by it. — Friends, Community & Society (Relationships/Community/Society)