In other words, we want each of our children…
In other words, we want each of our children to grow up to be a wholesome person, or in grants words, a giver not a taker one of my children schools considers this, as such an important quality that it has a mincha the month award, ranked on equal footing with academic achievement. I once heard a story about the early 20th century leaders rabbi Yosef Yitzchok Schneurson as a teenager he was once taking a walk with his father in the woods, he ripped a leaf from a tree, absolutely, tearing it up with his fingers as he walked along his father chided him, explaining that every leaf is invested with the divine life, a spark from God, who created it. This was a life-changing moment for the young boy what he learned was that he must be aware of how he acts towards everything around him, even a tiny leaf. The lesson stayed with him as he grew up to be a great rabbi and leader.
— from Family & Parenting (Family/Parenting)
In the book
Be deliberate about whom you expose them to, because the people in a child's orbit shape them as much as anything you say; I was always careful about the friends I let mine keep. Teach them, above all, to be givers and not takers, and make it concrete rather than preached: when a child first earns an allowance, have them split it into three boxes — one to spend, one to save, one to give away — and do real charity together, as a family, so generosity becomes a habit instead of a sermon. Praise their effort and strategy rather than their cleverness, which raises a child who reaches for challenges instead of fearing them; and let them choose, because children free to pick their own interests are far likelier to find a lasting passion than those handed a track to run. […] Discipline as mercy, not anger. Be the real world's kind proxy; give them a few firm rules so they are welcome everywhere; and let them fail safely rather than smothering their competence. Teach by living it. Model the values you want rather than imposing them; mind whom you expose them to; raise givers, not takers, and practice it together. Guard the time. Set aside immovable weekly family time, eat together with full attention, and keep a ritual that carries the love. — Family & Parenting (Family/Parenting)